He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
