i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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