forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
two words: eviction party
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
