just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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