I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
should my penis look like a turkey
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
