and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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