my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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