don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
