Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
