I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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