I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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