I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am mentally ready for anal.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
