i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
