she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
