rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
