he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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