I wish I could teleport
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
