I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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