I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
