I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
