Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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