I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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