11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Porn is love you can see.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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