saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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