careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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