I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
