What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
