all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize