I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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