Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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