I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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