Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
