Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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