so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
