Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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