i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
