you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
