My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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