Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
