I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
