Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
