We won't sleep together?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize