Umm I'm too high to move.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
