Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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