I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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