This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
