All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
