what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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