I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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