It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
