My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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