No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
