I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
