my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
