The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i will never coherently bang her
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
