Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
