I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
