Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
