It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
