sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
