In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
