She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
