nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
