hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
