Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
