The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
