I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
