you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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