i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize