need another drink. this is the easiest way
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
